Remission Has Come


I am in remission and now I have a new chapter in my life. But it is a lot easier said than done. After fighting cancer for 5 months and finally healing my body for 2 months, dealing with the repercussions of chemo is not easy. I am trying so hard to be normal, but everyday when I try  not to think about anything and do life as normal as before, I get disappointed with myself and extremely tired and irritated. I realize that my life will not be normal and it will not go back to what it used to be. Trust me, I am not having a pity party or being a Debbie downer. It is just a new reality that I need to accept and move forward. I am not the same person I was before I got cancer.  Now I am a new person who has some restraints on life for at least the next two years while I am in maintenance to keep the cancer at bay. I am super excited that I am able to be here and enjoy every moment that I have. I just looked at some photos before writing this and seeing myself bald is so weird. I know that I went through this, but at the same time I don't believe it. I never really accepted my diagnosis or my disease or even the treatment process. Sometimes we shut down in order to cope with what we are going through and that is exactly what I did. The day I was told that I was in remission was so surreal. The doctor told me the great news and he looked at me and told me that I need a hobby to get rid of my stress. I told him that yes I was stressed and now I can finally accept and move forward. I guess we all have our ways to cope and that was mine - pure denial. Now I am in acceptance and moving forward and I can't wait to enjoy the amazing life that I have ahead of me. Starting over, yes, but super excited for what is going to come my way and enjoying my journey of finding the new normal.

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